One thing that could help with your family, spouse, work, school, anything – is to learn to “Name It”.
Naming it just consists of just saying what you are seeing as soon as it makes you uncomfortable.
You say what you see, “Name It”, accuse no one of doing anything wrong or making them bad, telling what they should do differently and then you immediately walk away so that an argument can’t get started. Don’t stand there to argue or even hear their potential remark as you leave.
It might look something like this:
– That felt harsh.
– It doesn’t seem necessary to say that.
– This is making me uncomfortable. I’m going to take a walk.
– It wasn’t necessary to say that.
– When you speak like that it hurts me.
– When I’m pressured to do something it makes me resent you.
– I don’t respond well when someone argues (raises your voice, talks down to me, etc.)
– I hope our relationship isn’t damaged/ruined by this pressure.
– I wish I was treated in a way so that I’d want to ___.
(I’m sure you could come up with much better examples that suit your situation better.)
You are calling out something that isn’t very good, but you are only saying how it affects you, no blaming, no name calling, etc.
It is an excellent way to start setting boundaries without starting an argument.
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